Sadness is knowing deep down, you're leaving soon.

I laughed a lot looking at how your face crumpled upon sucking that vitamin c I gave u the day when I was down with flu and had to suck mine. Happiness is discovering you're afraid of sour vitamin c the same as I do.

I replayed the songs u sang me over and over again. Happiness is discovering you sang from your heart just for me.

I scrolled back to check our chat history. Happiness is discovering there's no exact time point as to when we became intimate, most probably from the start.

I thought of how I found your car right in front of mine when I was lost locating you. Happiness is discovering how strangely connected we are.

I scribbled us as bulbs while u digitally sketched a light bulb. Happiness is discovering we did the exact same thing at the same moment.

We share the same bookshelf, same toothbrush colour and brand, same third place among siblings, and back to back birthday.

Happiness is knowing this girl called big bulb. Bigbulbbulb.
(':

Listening to drenched.

Today is just like one rainy day when I found out my umbrella which I relied upon is perforated.

Guessed I love this song for a reason after all.

Learning the bittersweet way, who doesn't?

That day, an amputated uncle arrived in a wheelchair aided by his wife, for his intended-routine yet not so regular blood test so that we're able to make tailored dosing adjustments on his current medication. Aunty entered looking slightly exhausted, uncle was humbly smiling and greeting everyone with his hand gestures and gentle nods. Blood test wasn't pretty for uncle, as usual. Aunty apologized for not being able to keep up with our scheduled appointments. Just a month ago, she woke up in the morning unable to physically rise from bed. Since then, she was tied down by daily appointments to a series of physio therapies due to severe spine ache. Tears start rolling not only on aunty's cheek, but uncle's as well. Uncle apologized using both his slurred speech and hand gestures. For the past three years, aunty has been the only one carrying uncle onto her motorbike to get them both to hospital for appointments. We made adjustments for the next appointment. As I turned to uncle, ready to give him the most supportive smile I could, he gave me his.

Many a times, my patients taught me more than those I could offer. (:

Undo not, redo it much better!

I have a dream, of planting my own sunflower one day, make it grow, make it reproduce and present it to people dear at heart who is in need of hope. Sometimes, when one day turns out to be badly black, despite remembering that one can never repaint, forget not also that a tinge of white is all it needs to make it less black. (:

As simple as being honest.

Have you ever find texting easier than talking upfront?
Have you ever wonder since when both of you were not on speaking terms?
Have you ever end up with countless sleepless nights ever since?
Have you ever yearn for a situation otherwise?
And have you been able to snap out of all of these, deciding that you too, are held responsible?
And so I texted, had a cry which felt from being victimized to relief and regretted for not initiating earlier.

I love you, if you ever wonder, for I sometimes would, dear recipient.
C:

Mind not, this trouble making friend.

In the circumstance at which help is sought, a true friend is one who nods yes despite us shaking no due to inconvenience.

Many happy returns

They say the world will be as big as how much we know of it. Hopefully your travel is a fruitful one, bearing at least a list of good foods around town for me? (: Wish you safe dear one.

Blessings wear make up.

One place old, one place new, one place close, one place so far in view. They say, when it rains, the best thing to do is to let it rain. And I say, the best thing to do is to look for that rainbow after the rain. Fingers crossed, I hope as always, blessings come in disguise.

The day I wished I were a pharmacy student again.

I used to dream on having the perfect convocation, after all it's the second biggest personal occasion after wedding at which we only get to do once. (It's best to have several counts of the former but gee, fingers crossed, not marriage!) But on graduation day itself, only then I realize it's really people who have carved vivid memories inside our amnetic-to-present heads that matter the most. My family, my peanut, my korean mama, my jumping nieces, my him, my flying owl, my very very luan ahni, my little friend, my roomie, my tangachies, my pharmily and I thought, to own their love alone has deemed me the luckiest person. It's always near end that we think of the beginning, of how I have started this journey alone with my mushroom like bob hair and ended with friends for life, and lessons from inspiring lecturers that enable me to earn an independent life. It was like watching myself going in as I was coming out. I don't think I'll ever get bored of reading back old handwritten messages by my friends, have a good laugh and finish it with long sigh on how time flies. How come I'm feeling old already yikes! Hahaha. There really aren't much people we meet in life that love us unconditionally. Thank you, for your abundant love. I shall never forget this day at which my dean, Prof Mun, played class monitor and called our names individually as we scrambled up stage in alphabetical order.

Mystical miss.

She sells the cheapest student-affordable ice-blended.
She has the sweetest smile among all cafe vendors.
She dresses in pink most of the time.
She always gives me more than what I have paid.
She cried bidding me goodbye.
She is Kak Na.
My once upon a time in USM, Kubang Kerian.

My superman.

Mine, is not the same.

I grow up being babysitted, only to see my dad once in a week. 

I speak cantonese to my mum, my sisters but chinese to my dad.

I remember how strongly he insisted on providing me an education inclusive of chinese.

I remember how he never fails to check my primary homework and gave me praises which made me wanted to hide. 

I remember how he picked me up from kindergarten one day and told me I'll never be alone.

I remember how he made friends with my tutors and my form teachers.

I remember how he proudly attended our academic report day whenever he was able to.
I remember how he told me that he can be poor feeding himself full but not in providing us the best education.

I remember how he sang nursery songs enthusiastically in car to peanut and I until all three of us are able to sing together like a broken tape recorder. 

I remember how his guessing games were so difficult back then but so easy now haha.

I remember how he struggled to give us what called home before moving out from grandma's house.

I remember how he boarded the bus each weekend just to come home.

I remember how he then drove alone using his company's car for 5 long hours for years counting more than my age even before this new highway was established.    

I remember how he eagerly showed me that old family photo he treasured in his working place. 

I remember how he secretively bought my candidly snapped photo from the theme park despite its price that costed a bomb.

I remember how days back then were hard for him but never for us. 

I remember how he drove back from his already 30 minutes drive into the highway just to meet me at home because I cried for missing bidding goodbye.

I don't think I can ever grow up under his arms. 

He's my forever father, and I'm his forever daughter. 

Early Happy 64th Birthday, pa. 

I love you. ('=

This reminds me of that.

I shall remember for a long time this compulsory route with stalls selling books and clothes in Hospital USM which we have to encompass in order to take the lift up the antenatal ward for my lecturer once described it as Chow Kit Road. And my class representative once described my lecturer as our current prime minister too.

One leader plus two members equals to three friends.

For the past 2 years, I knew his existence due to sharing of practical group for Organic Chemistry once but not his personality because this coursemate of mine seldom appears in class. Not until this year, we work, we learn, we make mistakes and grow together. He is like one chubby little adik which you cannot resist the thought of wanting to squeeze his face if only you were his elder kakak. You may find him playful whom he indeed is and the fact that he is a state badminton player scares you because it is too difficult to picture him being serious. But when he does, you start to admire and transform into a nagging mother who wants badly to make him realize, if only he divert such concentration into academic, he will definitely yield success. You always wanted to tell him badly, you are a smart guy, I believe in you, go get it!
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For the past two years, I also lack the chance to know him. The only piece of detail I manage to pick is that he is the first married male coursemate of mine. He looks young and thin and you may be judgmental at first sight on his capability of owning a family. Not until this year, we work, he teaches me, and I am the kid eventually. He may not be talkative but he has the most critical thoughts and bears responsibility. He is one gentleman whom you will respect. You always wanted to wish him to have the best of everything, a happy family and a happy working life because his hard work deserves these.
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These two coursemates of mine are none other than Sadiq and Nabill. The former is our laughter initiator while the latter is our strength pillar. Whenever Sadiq is mentioned, I picture an abundance of laughter preceeding stomach cramps, cups of ice-blended mango, lots of food, a smart person in disguise, a superb badminton player and my forever eating, helpful, happy friend. Whenever Nabill is mentioned, I picture constructive ideas, rational thoughts, neat work, optimistic, good family caretaker, his diet trainer plus current roommate Sadiq, and my ever ready helpful and patient friend.

I shall never forget the moments we are lost and frantically familiarizing ourselves to HUSM, terrified by fierce doctors, learning to understand native Kelantanese language, working through midnights to complete our presentation but failing to suppress our hunger hahahaha, calling each other names, exploring different ice-blended flavour, celebrating birthday together, reminding each other never to give up, shopping together and spend our final year as pharmacy undergraduates together.

Thank you for all the memories. :') and thank you for the pair of lovely pink mugs which one shall never strike in mind that it is carefully picked and neatly wrapped from two of my seemingly clumsy malay male group mates.

Tak kenal maka tak cinta. Friendship forever (:
 

Go Suet Li ('=

“Jika hari ini seorang Perdana Menteri berkuasa
Jika hari ini seorang Raja menaiki takhta
Jika hari ini seorang Presiden sebuah negara
Jika hari ini seorang ulama yang mulia
Jika hari ini seorang peguam menang bicara
Jika hari ini seorang penulis terkemuka
Jika hari ini siapa sahaja menjadi dewasa;
Sejarahnya dimulakan oleh seorang guru biasa
Dengan lembut sabarnya mengajar tulis-baca.”

-quoted from Usman Awang's Guru oh Guru.


I don't usually feel much for teachers when out of school. Not that I am unappreciative after all those life lessons my teachers have taught me. (And wow, just done counting* I have spent my twenty years being a student!) It is just that I spend time missing my family, friends but never my teacher. But after having one dear roommate who is now a living teacher and following Suet Li's blog, I start to fit myself in a teacher's shoe. My current roommate has both mum and sister as teachers, so do owl owl. All teachers educate, but only the very few inspire. And I'm sure Suet Li is one of those. Thank you, dear teachers.

Just go you peanut head.

Dear peanut,
When u read this blog, I'm still alive in Kelantan. Hahaha!
Just go KL, snap beautiful pictures and we'll have a feast in Seoul Garden, I belanja.
Given the chance and experience, I know you can flourish in this.

Your lover. You know 520. Happy post 025. Pinch* :D

Keep reading.

'This world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page'. Then this is one expensive book. Note to self: I shall earn from now. Wink*

Right

Have been following Timothy and Audrey's blogs for a while and only today I watched their clip and I teared haha. Imacrybabynowadaysmygosh,cannot! I think I really like them as a couple. And I blame a thousand years for singing my emotions awake. 'You can have many soul mates in life, but only the one who made it at the right time accompanies you for the rest of your life.' Never rush any relationships, never lose faith on future but remember to cherish the present.

Meme proposal-Tim and Audrey

Smile, an everlasting smile.

Even smiling is heavy, even making eye contact drains you energy. Depression just strikes you. You need some time, sometimes.

Hug and feed you fatter, if i could.

It's Sunday like Friday here in Kelantan, but Thank God It's Friday doesn't fully apply here as we most probably end up with any instant noodles we could cook on. The moment I read your words, the moment I check on your recent updates, everything becomes uncontrollable, I'm missing my fatty stupid head peanut. Fishball misses peanut, as much as peanut misses fishball too ('':

A pat on shoulder.

I shall be a stronger survivor tomorrow! (: