Thank you.

Today, we were late to class. This is an unusual class as lecture slides are rated the most captive, projecting both simplicity and modernistic, and not to mention, the teacher herself is unusual, with her glass of water she carries every lecture and sips in between, her precision in time, her craze over all gadgets that have that one-mouth-bitten apple symbol on them, her dislike of being rudely approached without prior appointment through emails, her egoism of liking to chase late comers off lecture halls and her young look that may trick you into believing that she is none other than another pharmacy student. And so, we were late to class.


Being the last among 3 to shut the door, we made eye contact and the rest of the class just stared up on me to anticipate another lecture mishap. My heart shouted a silent SHIT and as I was preparing the worse to apologise and walk back out, she continued, 'you may proceed to the front row if u wish.' No time for second thought, it's like rain poured over desert. Thank god! After all, it's her last lesson, this semester, perhaps my undergraduate years.


I like the way her powerpoint can be so different, so child-ish, not childish I meant, but it's design in such that even a kid can be made understand of the fact that she wish to convey. I'm amazed, yet too rushed to admire by the hassle of jotting down important points for exam's sake.


It was a brief lecture covering 2 topics. Precisely on time, as promised. And then, she projected her custom-made video which is of a glimpse of few seconds on topics which will be covered in quiz and final exam as always. And as always, we all failed to capture. Yet, still a nice video. Haha.


At the very near end but not the end of the class, good luck is what she wished. And at the very end of the class, she blurted, 'I would like to thank you, yes you, for everything.' And the class clapped. I couldn't help not to smile, for I kept reminded myself to stay calm, stay professional, your're in front of her. Obviously, I failed. And as I peeped at her face, I see her clapping and smiling too. Yikes, I was happy. More than happy, I was touched. Thank you too, Dr Aisyah. I am sure, you're one perfectionist too.


Of storms and rains, never stop anticipating that there is still sunshine. Sunshine through the rain. (:

An educator, a dedicated one.

From Suet Li, on 'Teaching in Malaysia'.
It somehow reminds me of you, ceciliating. You'll be one great educator too I'm sure. (:

" today, i went into my weakest and most challenging class to teach them simple adjectives like sizes, colours, and shapes. thirty minutes into the class, even with a lot of activities and drawing and colouring, my kids got me very frustrated for not knowing words like big, small, long, short. So I did something irrational after i realized that it's been almost four months of school and they still haven't learned anything! these 25 kids need serious help. so i put them into groups based on where they live, and came up with 6 groups of 4-5 kids each. I told them that from now on, they'll have extra class with me after school/at night and i'll make sure they attend, even if it means i'll have to get them and send them back.

i immediately regretted doing that. am i out of my mind?? here i am, struggling with everything as it is, and i have no idea if i am mentally or physically capable of pushing so far. they live pretty far away and some live quite deep into the villages, about 30 mins from where i live. but i remember Rakis, my orang asli kid's face and the conversation i had with him yesterday. he used to be a really happy kid, but the past few months he's been very sullen and angry all the time. he said it's cause he can't understand anything, and i can't give my attention to him cos everyone else is crying for help/running around beating people. rakis needs help, and i'm at my wits' end as to how to help him.

so i started with him and a few of my weakest but less misbehaving boys. i got them from their village and it was nice to see them waiting for me by the roadside in the darkness, with their backpacks and jeans and best shirt and eager smile. we had a very productive night reading peter and jane and reviewing stuff learned in school. this pic is of rakis reading with utmost concentration, and he was SUPER focused the entire time i just wanted to hug him and tell him that he's doing great.

when i sent them back, we listened to hitz fm and had a karaoke session in the car (mostly me singing haha). they were bickering about what was the singer singing, "cikgu itu "happy" kan?" "bukanlah "here" lah!" "bukan lah "him" lah!" (the word was "hero" but that's beside the point). then, i met some of their parents. some were nonchalant and didn't care where their kid was, some were very appreciative. but they all had one similarity: they all came from homes that are very not conducive to learning. dilapidated, noisy, dirty..

i drove home drained from the long day but i could still hear their voices in my car. it's defining moments like this that made me realize that they're worth pushing myself for, even if i have to start from scratch, from peter and jane book 1a."

Dearest you.

Our friendship meant a lot to me. Thus, the continuous messages despite the anticipated one word reply or many a times, the absence of reply. Only to realise, u gave up recently. How ironically, it is true that I lacked observational skills, for if I have realised from the first moment, I shall not leave it so, leaving in my own world of happiness, forgetting that like all other kinds of love in this world, friendship needs nurturing.

Our memories, I'll keep and cherish, for those are my happiest moments in uni.

Sorry for all the disappointments that I have overlooked and the absence of companion when u needed most. The pain u bear is trully not healable by just this simple word, thus the action of sealing off gradually but I trully am sorry. Dont get me wrong, no forcing or pleading for anything in return, as if such act haunts u with all the unhappy moments and disappointments again, I rather not do so.

Just want you to know, our friendship still meant a lot to me. After all, no one has ever occupy my big head and heart this heavily. Although you always call me stupid bird, I still think I have a big brain na. Bluek! =')

You have my support always despite earthquakes, world shakes or whatever not. For your studies, your dream, your loves, your life. Whenever you turn back, there's always my big big smile for you! =')